I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
