You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
