3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
