Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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