quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
