No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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