i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
