Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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