why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
