Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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