If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
