At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
