dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
