Whod you bang
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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