she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
