Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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