hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize