she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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