He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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