Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
