i don't like sucking hair
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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