Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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