smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i will never coherently bang her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
