That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So much rum. So many feels.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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