.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
