I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize