We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
