your thong is hanging out like whoa
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
