Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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