no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
