He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i out mim tonsoeep
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
