when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
