So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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