I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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