Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
