I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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