My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
