Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Duck Duck Cougar?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize