Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
