I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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