I want to stick my p in your. b.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
