Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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