I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
