Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
