hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
