Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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