he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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