please come you make the beer taste better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize