you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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