every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
only if we run a train.
done.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
