I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize