i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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