Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
