I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
