hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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