what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
