the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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