what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
