A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
