I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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