Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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