I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize