ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
