It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
