if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
