Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
