Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sext me about skeletons
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
