fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
birth control should be required to get into college
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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