The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize