He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
