i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
