I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
