Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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