Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Still dying that you shit outside
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
