fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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