the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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