I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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