I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
