im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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